"Do You Love Me?"
by Dr. Michael H. Browder

February 15, 2009

Do you love me? Now there’s a loaded question. Whenever a guy asks that question, he is at one of the most vulnerable moments in his life. To ask the question, he is already admitting that he loves her. Now he hopes she will say yes, that she loves him back.

There can be other contexts for the question. There are times, when a woman asks that question, she may be wondering if the fire has gone out of their relationship. “Do you still love me?” she wonders. “Do you still love me like you used to?” Her worse fear is that something else might have taken her place. Is it any wonder that Valentine’s comes right after the Super Bowl?

As you may have read in the newsletter recently, the Greek language of the Bible talks about three (or perhaps four) types of love. (I say perhaps four, because there is the Greek word storge, that refers to a parents love for a child. We do have this word in Greek, but it is not so clear that it is actually used in the Bible.)

Generally we talk about the Bible’s three main words for love. The first word, eros, is the love I have mentioned already. It refers to the romantic love between a man and a woman. Eros is where we get our modern word erotic. There was even a Greek god by the name Eros. He was said to have wings, and he was the equivalent of the Roman god Cupid. Apparently, this same little fellow still flies around on Valentine’s Day. That was yesterday. I suppose some of you smitten by his arrows yesterday. And, fellas, if you didn’t remember it yesterday, it’s too late now.

The Bible has some pretty good examples of Romantic love. Probably the best example comes from the Song of Solomon (also called the Song of Songs). Let’s read chapter 1, verse 2 from the Song of Solomon. (Does someone want to volunteer to read?) Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth -- For your love is better than wine.

This is the Bible, here. Great stuff! Don’t tell me that Solomon knew nothing about romance. Maybe that’s how he ended up with all those wives.

But apparently he wrote this when he was still a young man. The man and the woman who are speaking in this book have clearly been struck by Cupid. Listen to this poetry.

2:10-13 My beloved spoke, and said to me: "Arise, my love, my beautiful one. Come away with me. Look! The winter is past, The rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; The time of singing has come, And the voice of the dove Is heard in the land. The fig tree puts forth her green figs, And the vines with the tender grapes give forth their fragrance. Arise up, my love, my darling. Arise and come away with me! Great poetry! From the Bible! Some of you have got to start reading the Bible more often. You’re missing this stuff.

So that’s eros, romantic love. The Bible also talks about phile, brotherly love, the love of friends. That’s where Philadelphia gets its name. Phila - delphia literally means “the city of brotherly love.”

The Bible definitely recommends this type of love. This is what it means when it says “love your neighbor.” Jesus says that is the second greatest commandment in all the world: “to love your neighbor as your self.”

There is something very special about the love of friendship. If you have some very close friends, that you can depend on, you know what I mean.

But the Bible also talks about a third type of love, called agape. This is the type of love that is extraordinary. It is one thing to love someone when they love you back. It is easy to love them when they appreciate you too.

But what if they don’t love you back? What if they don’t even like you? What if they are mean to you or treat you badly? It is really hard to love them when that happens.

The Bible doesn’t just say to love your neighbor. It even goes on to say that you should love your enemy and those who mistreat you. Your enemy! Can you believe that? How can you ever love your enemy?!

This is extraordinary love. Now, God knows us. He knows that we are ordinary, not extraordinary. On our own, we do not have the inclination or the ability to love our enemy. We need power beyond ourselves to be able to do that. This power comes from God, through Jesus Christ. That is one of the characteristics of agape love.

And let me say this. We tend to think of love as a feeling. The movies, television, music, novels – all these things are telling us love is primarily a feeling. But the Bible tells us that love is a decision. Sometimes we make the right decision to love, even when our feelings say something different.

Jesus does not just tell us about extraordinary love. He lives his own life as an example of what it is meant to be. Do you remember how, when he was on the cross and his enemies were torturing him to death, Jesus was able to say, “Father, forgive them.” [ ! ] That is incredible forgiveness. It is extraordinary love. Jesus was able to do this because he was filled with the power of God. By the grace of God, we too can experience that kind of agape love. The more we are filled with the power of God, the more we can experience extraordinary love.

And yet, at the same time, the extraordinary love of Christ is meant to make its way into our daily lives. It is not reserved for special occasions. That’s what I Corinthians 13 is all about. This is a beautiful chapter about love. So often we hear it read at weddings. But, did you know, it was not written for a wedding; it was actually written for Christians who were bickering with each other. Paul wrote I Corinthians 13 to say, “Let me tell you what Christian love is supposed to look like.” The word for love he uses is agape.

1 Cor. 13:4-8a

By the way, I think a good marriage, as God meant it to be, should include all three types of love: romance, friendship, and self-sacrificing Christ-like love.

Now, let’s go back to where we started. Jesus’ question to Peter: “Do you love me?” What we cannot see when we read it today is which word for love is used. When Jesus asks, he uses the word agape: “Do you love me, Peter?” Do you agape me? Do you love me with God-like love?

When Peter answers, “Yes, I love you,” he says phile. I phile love you. I love you with the love of a friend.

Do you see the problem here? Jesus is asking, “Do you have the kind of love that God wants you to have?” Peter is answering, “I have the same kind of feelings that everyone else has. – What’s the big deal?”

Do you see why Jesus keeps asking Peter? He is trying to get through to him. He is saying that God expects more than just everyday cordiality. God is calling us to something extraordinary in our relationships with other people. And when Jesus says, “Feed my sheep,” he is saying that you need to put God’s extraordinary love into action.

Where do you need the extraordinary love of God? In your marriage? With your friends? With your children? At work? At school? Do you have to deal with difficult people? Do you need help? In God, there is power beyond yourself: Power to love. Power to love as you have never loved before. Jesus is asking today: “Do you want that extraordinary experience? Do you love me?”