"Forgiving Others"
by Dr. Michael H. Browder

March 15, 2009

I was watching the news one night, and I saw something, which made an impression on me. It was a courtroom scene. There was a family whose daughter had been murdered. The man who killed her had already been found guilty. The trial had reached the phase when the sentence would be decided. The couple, whose daughter had been slain, stood before the judge and asked that the murderer’s life be spared. They said that their lives had been ruined, their hearts would always be broken, but their faith in God had given them the strength to forgive the murderer. They asked that his life be spared. I will never forget that scene.

Some dear friends of mine had a son who was murdered, more than 30 years ago. In this case, they have forgiven the murderer. They even went to the prison and told him so in person. I marvel at their faith. It makes me wonder how deep my faith goes. Am I capable of having that kind of forgiveness? It also makes me want to put things into perspective. Can I dare to hold a grudge over something petty after what I have seen these people of God do? After what Christ has done for me?

I have titled this sermon “Forgiving Others.” I started to call it just “Forgiveness.” But I realized how quickly our minds wander to “How may I be forgiven?” Today, on the other hand, I want to ask, “How can I forgive others?”

It might be better to phrase it, “How can I forgive that other person after what they have done to me?” This question better captures the hurt. The need to forgive others recognizes that I have been hurt. My hurt cries out. It will not be silent. It yearns for justice, for payback, for restitution.

You cannot keep the hurt bottled up in you. It begins to affect you. Your stress level grows rapidly. Your life may become absorbed by it. I know people who have lost the best years of their life, because they could not let it go. There is more than one way to address the fact that you have been wronged. All too often it is through the sullied hands of payback. But it is possible to find a way out by forgiving the one who did you wrong. God promises this.

To forgive someone is really to let it go. We think about Peter’s question:

“How many times do I have to forgive?” “Seven whole times?” We see ourselves in Peter. “One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven!” “OK. I followed the Law. Now I can lower the boom!” Jesus said, “No, Peter, You should do it seventy times seven.” In other words, an unlimited number. In other words, you have to let it go.

If there is one thing I have learned through the years, it is that I do not have the power to do this on my own. The power to forgive has to come from God. “I am weak, but he is strong.” “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” God promises to give us the power to forgive others. When we trust him, he gives us that power. It is great power indeed. It gives me the strength to do something I cannot do on my own: To Forgive.

I can forgive others because Christ has forgiven me. Stop and think about that for a moment. Think of what Jesus has done for you. All the dark sins he has for-given you. You did not deserve his sacrifice. I did not deserve it. Think of how he suffered for us to forgive us for the wrong we have done. He took our place. He took our suffering. Too often we are like the man in the parable who deserved to be locked up for life by the king, to whom he owed more than he could repay. He was about to be sold into slavery, but he begged for mercy. The king forgave him. But no sooner did he walk away forgiven than he saw someone who owed him a little bit. He choked the man and threw him in jail. When the king found out, he took away the reprieve and condemned the man without mercy. He had been forgiven much, but he had not learned how to forgive. So often you and I are like that. God has forgiven us much, but we are not willing to forgive even a little.

When we forgive another person, we become co-workers with God. As Jesus told us to pray: “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.” We are asking to be forgiven; we are counting on God’s promise to forgive us. But we are, at the same time, promising to practice forgiveness. And God is counting on us to forgive and to lift others up. If you are very sensitive and your feelings are easily hurt, you have to really work on this.

There are some things that we can do to help matters along. One is to talk to the Lord about it. God is always available, and eager to hear from us. Talk it through in prayer. Recount every detail if you need to. Share your hurt. Be honest with the Lord as to how you feel. Jesus Christ, who was innocent and yet slain, knows how it feels to be hurt. Your hurt touches his heart.

Talk it over with another person. You should have someone you can trust and confide in. They will understand how you feel. They will know what it feels like to be hurt. They will care about you. They will help you sort out how to respond and how to work through this. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, come and talk to me. Don’t let something eat you up by trying to do it all on your own.

If it is appropriate, talk it over with the person who has hurt you. Often this is not possible. But, if you are dealing with a person, who has some understanding and compassion, you might be surprised.

As I said a couple of weeks ago, love is a decision. The Bible defines love differently than we do. For us, love is a feeling. In the Bible, love is a decision. Even when our feelings would hold us back, we make a decision to act with compassion and forgiveness. And we act with sincerity. Forgiveness is not when we say, “I still have every right to crush you, but I will let you live.” I have heard this many times. This is false forgiveness. True forgiveness is when God gives us the strength to say, “I forgive you. I have sincere compassion toward you, and I let it go.”

There are things that you can do to help your feelings get on board. One is empathy. The person who has hurt you is a human being just like yourself. Many of the worst hurts I have received in my life have come from people who were going through some kind of painful hurt in their own lives. They were lashing out at me because their own pain was crying out. So there is a cycle of pain. Why don’t we, in the name of the Lord, break that cycle and start a cycle of forgiveness? Why don’t we give each other a break?

You don’t realize the power you have over another person by offering forgiveness, when they were expecting resentment, revenge or reprisal. This the theme of the great novel Les Miserables. The convict, Jean val Jean receives undeserved forgive-ness and a second chance, and so he dedicates his life to loving and forgiving others. Jean val Jean’s tormentor, Javere, can never understand this. When Javere himself is forgiven, it proves too much. Jesus said: “Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you.” And it is literally true that “To err is human, to forgive divine.”

The whole purpose for forgiveness is reconciliation. God’s will is for us to work through our hurt, and our grudge, and our pay-pack. God’s will is for us to be re-conciled with the other person. God has a vision of a time beyond the hurt, a time when we are reconciled, when we live together with peace and love once more.

When we come to God’s house to worship, forgiveness and reconciliation should be one of our goals. Jesus said, if you come to God’s house to worship, and you realize that you have something against another person, first, go and be recon-ciled with the other person, and then come back and offer your worship to God.

When I think about this subject, I always think about Jesus on the cross. I think about how innocent he was. I think about how they tortured him and murdered him. And I think about his words: “Father, forgive them.” I can’t even understand love so deep. But when I see that, I know what forgiveness can be.

My dear friend, do you have something against another person? Don’t let that eat you up forever. Let God set you free from that. Let Christ, by his grace, show you how to forgive. I want to issue an invitation today. As we sing our last hymn, I want to invite you to pray. We have such a wonderful place to kneel and pray in our church. And we do not use it as often as we should. If you have something, that you need to forgive someone for, someone who has hurt you, I invite you to come and talk to the Lord about it. Ask him to give you strength to trust him, strength to forgive. If you have done something to someone, that you need to ask forgiveness for, come and pray about it. Or whatever you might need to pray about, come.